Volcomlove123's Journals

give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me...

the move you made was far to â�œclassyâ� for me to forget. I waited by the phone for your call, but someone else was on your mind. I traded these words all for a lie, but the lie brought me into reality. Tell me how can you live knowing this was your fault? the pain and suffering I have ridding on my back is taking control of my life. the life i had is slowly coming to an end, but this end, is just a new beginning for you. to live life with regret and fear.

Tell me that you love me again... please?

I know the way that the game is played,
the simple I love you baby, things will never change.
sounds so realistic when everything in reality is falling down.
I wait up at night, because I want to hear your voice.
I cry in sadness when I hear those same three words.
They haunt my dreams, cause im scared to be repeating whats not felt.
It hurts to think that things will never be the same.
A smile, A laugh, were simply not living.
A death took place and changed us all,
but what changed us, changed the future more.

Thanks.

This has been the longest minuet of my life.
Im really lost when I donâ�™t hear your voice.
Your this drug that I never can get enough ofâ�¦
I was so lost until I was found,
I was confused but you put me on trackâ�¦
You gave me hope, when everything was falling out of place.
But you lifted me up and gave me grace.

google me

How am I a hot mess? Well this one time I was at home, and my brother Sam* was out with all of his friends and I was at home waiting for him to get back so I could leave. Soon the clock read 9:45 and then I get a phone call and for some reason I expected the worst. I answered the phone and it was Alex* asking if my parents were home, but mainly my father. I told her yes and that there was company over too and she started freaking out so then i instantly knew that this had to do with my brother. she told me that he was shit faced and that I needed to pick him up. So at 10 pm i walked into the living room telling my parents I was picking up the history assignment i missed that week in class. they said it was fine.
So i went to market square and saw the car that I knew was Alex's and parked it and walked over to it. The car was a four door could hold on average 5 passengers. But when they opened the door about 11 people came out including my smashed brother.It smelt like beer, vodka and weed. His other guy friends brought him over to the car and said that he had a water bottel full of vodka and they never thought anything of it.
So when me and my brother are in the car he rolls down the window to his friends and keeps saying "google me" like the website google.com. Im rather confused and they said that he knows that in the future hes going to be successful for athletics and that he will be on google. So he keeps saying google me.
On the car ride home, first off the car smells rather horrible, like vodka and a drunk boy who was smoking weed.
Once we arrived at our house, my parents had company over they were walking into their car when I was pulling into the driveway and i just looked at my brother and said you got lucky as fuck. and he started laughing for un-known reasons. and laughing is contagious around me so im laughing now too. So they people left and i pulled in and my dad saw that my brother was in the car and asked what happened to his car and i told him that he ran out of gas and that me and sam would be in the house in a minute and that we had to talk.
So we waited about 10 min. thinking they would have gone to bed. but the second we walked into the house my dad hands my brother asprin and water and says "your going to need this soon" laughing then walking to the foyer to go upstairs to bed.
So here I am with my brother sitting on the couch nervous that hes going to choke on his vomit or something so I stayed up the whole night watching him sleep and then at 5 am he started saying his head hurt. So i grabbed a pillow and hit him in the legs and shouted "next time dont tell people to google you, you idiot"
Now when we talk about it, he gets really embarrassed but I guess its funnier to tell in person, but it makes me smile every time I saved my 17 year old brothers ass when I was 16.

*: Changed the names for their dignity.

Its the end of may?

I havent been on here in a long time. maybe its the fact that i was busy, or its just that time is flying by with colors. who knew that it was already the end of may? or what I had finals this week? for all i knew is that it was still april.
So here i am, writing, like normaly about how i knew nothing yet failed to succeed at this.

http://earthlovepeace.blogspot.com
check it out, let me know what you think. Help me make something out of it.

Keep it real-Peace

Retracing Our Steps

I was looking back upon everything that has gone wrong in my life and realized that too many things have happened that I want to forget. I should have made better dississions, not have met certain people and disrespected the one person who means the world to me now.

It showed me how emotionally corrupt I have become and how much I really regret it all.
Our memories are still being charished
people are reliving everything that we once lived.
They're telling us that they can make it all better
by simply retracing our steps
to one day call them their own.

Today In Math...

1) Im running in a field, not sure where my destination may be
I need to stop to catch my breath, but I know I cant because your watching me.
Your the one pulling me through my days, but then other times your haunting my dreams
Im sorry that I loved you because now im not sure whats left of me, all I know is that you were slowly killing me.

2)I can say im scared of letting you go
Its not that i dont want to, its just I dont know how
Im scared. Scared of being forgotten because being forgotten just shows that you made no impact on someones life.
But if I wasn't forgotten then I would feel that I have accomplished my life goal.

3) I can see it now, the way she looks at you, the way she talks to you
It makes me have this sense of jealousy, ragging through me,
breaking me when you give her a smile, a nod and a wave.
I wish it was only me you saw, but im understanding why your not.

I was tagged.

1. If you could say anything to the person who has hurt you most in life what would you say?

I wish the same kid I was best friends with growing up with, would come back and the ass you are now would disapper.

2. When will your next kiss be?
This weekend. haha
3. What song are you listening to?
. The Audition. Warm Me Up
4. Who does it remind you of?
Its to insane to speak of.

5. Last movie you watched? with who?
Across The Universe

6. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Well I have my people next door who are in my grade but fuck them because i dont like them. So in Wilmette.

7. What CD is in your stereo?

Say Anything

8. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn't?
Nope.

11. What are you most looking forward to?
Getting out of this hell hole
12. What are your nicknames?
Mackattack, Mackie, MDog, umm hey kid.

13. Describe your dream life:
Being a photographer for either Rolling Stones Mag. or ESPN

14. Where would you like to live?

either New York or Utah

15. Last time you spent the night at someone's house?
Last night.

16. When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
When I found out my parents are making me go to college, so tonight.

TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU
1. Are you single? Yes

2. Are you happy? am i ever?

3. Are you bored? nope. this is entertaining.
5. Are you Italian? yah
6. Are you pregnant? No, but that would be a good one.

8. Are you cool? hell yes!

9. Are you Irish? yah

10. Are your parents still married? Yes 25 years

TEN LASTS:
1. Last phone call you made: Niki

2. Last phone call you received: People call me. wow.

3. Last person/people you hung out with? Rose and Niki

5. Last person you tackled?: humm... the hobo on the streets of Chicago.

6. Last person you IM'd: Dont have the time

7. Last text message you received: Rose i think. i dont really check those.

8. Last person you hugged?: I Dont hug.
9. Last person you hated?: Number 6 from the questions above.
10. Last person you laughed with?: Katie and Muffy

The way your lips crash into me

im starting to become scared. The fear of

losing my show at succeeding my goals in life.

I feel that i should appoligives now because im to scared to

not say its before im gone.

I cant get rid of you, your voice is screaming

in my head. I cant take this nightmare of life anymore

no not anymore.

Your attached to me, like the paintings hanging on my walls.

The thought of getting rid of them doesnt make sense to me,

but losing you does too.

I cant get rid of you, your voice is screaming

in my head. I cant take this nightmare of life anymore

no not anymore.

Its finally time for me to say goodbye, Your lips

are still making me go crazy when you

crash into me.

Dear.....

Dear ,

Your words make my heart skip beats. They create this connection so I understand whats going on throughout the world. Your always there for me no matter what the ocassion is. Your someone that I know will always be there for me. Anything that happens to me I know ill be okay because you'll be the one to save me from the horrible days. Once I got to know the real you, you made me want to never forget you because once you were in my heart I didnt want to let go. I can say that I love you because your someone I know I will love for the rest of my life. You helped me overcome my thoughts on love, when I believed that 'love' was not real.

Thanks for everything, because if you werent here with me, I dont think I would be either.

Love always,